As it is the first day of fall, I feel it necessary to use some imagery and metaphors to describe where I am in my life right now. So get ready.
First of all, Autumn is my absolute favorite season. There is something about the transition from warm to cold, that in between, that I just love. I love the smell of fall. It makes me reminisce of burning piles of leaves, roasting pumpkin seeds, jumping into piles of leaves, and watching a harvest moon on the horizon. Seriously, this season was made for me.
But as I think on the season I can absolutely compare it to where I am in my life right now.
See, it's the 1st semester of my junior year. I am pushing through and pressing in. Trying to run hard after the Lord but balancing my need to strive after all things. Basically, I am in this awkward stage of transition--trying to shake of the dead weight of burdens the Lord has released me from, but focused on transitioning into a new season of life, yet still holding on the the trappings of my old season of life. Like a tree shaking off its dead leaves to transition into winter.
What am I trying to shake off you may ask? Well, let me get a little vulnerable (Rev. 12:11)
Judgement. Ouch. Yeah, that clouded vision toward others, distorting their true identity in Christ and keeping me from calling out in others who they are in Christ. Let's get that sucker off!
Striving. The definition of my testimony. If you asked me what my life would be like without Jesus I would tell you that I would be the anxiety-bound, hunched over perfectionist, keeping others at bay, shoving everything inside, and spread so thin that she needs to escape through movies, books, and continuous hours alone--in isolation. Doesn't that sound horrible. Well, I think I would rather not live a life like that. So I am shaking off that striving leaf, watching it float to the ground with delight.
Comparison/Jealousy. The two seem to alternate with me. I either compare myself to what I don't have or sit and stew about what others do. Thank Jesus for freedom! This little booger of a demon sat in my chest making physical knots so that I literally felt like my heart was being wrapped into a little bow--not cool. Then by the grace of God, something broke through. I stopped listening to the lies and looked at the abundance that I had before me! Praise Jesus. Get the heck off my tree!
Insecurity. Funny how a little bit of this is gnawing at me know as I reveal this portion of the deadweight. Nobody likes to seem vulnerable, imperfect, or (God forbid) insecure. It's like the statement of doom. "I am insecure." People's whole perception of you changes when this is admitted. You can become even more insecure worrying about the fact that you are insecure. Now that's a vicious circle. But then I stopped and listened to the soft whisper of my Creator. "You are not insecure. I made you. What have you to feel awkward or incomplete about? There is a cloud around your head telling you that who I made you to be is not worthy of the world. But your worth is found in me, not in the world. For you are in the world, but not of it. Shake away that cloud. You know you are a daughter of the King." So long insecurity.
I probably could go on and on and call out every struggle I have ever gone through in my life and how God has freed me but that would take a really long time, and would totally kill the memoir I plan on busting out in about 20 years (stay tuned for that!).
But take a look back at the freedom, the release. How, as Shane and Shane sang, it all blows away in light of Him. When we focus our perspective on God and our purpose aligns, we begin to see a shift of the chains that once held us. They loosen. And soon you no longer call them chains, you see them as burdens. They lighten. And then you can look and your situation and see that you know longer have burdens, but an atmosphere of fog around your head. You walk through it. And finally you come to the place where with the delight of the new season God has brought you to, you can then shake of the dead leaves of old demons that once held you.
And with delight, observe the beauty of the freedom. The past trials falling away in a beautiful symphony of transition, like leaves from a tree.
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