I don't know about most of this cynical society, but I used to view New Year resolutions as another list to add to my continual supply of "to-dos." It may seem a bit odd--and I confess that I am--but I find a sense of delight in creating goals, tactics, lists, and plans written on post-its, note cards, my planner, and now iphone.
For new years I would simply treat this list as any other--except for the fact that the deadline was a year away . . . so I had a bit of a grace period.
However, one concept, which always appeared on my goal list, never seemed to deserve that check mark of finality come Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve. Without fail I would always write down:
"A Closer Relationship with God"
Can having a closer relationship with God be something you put as your New Year's resolution? I seemed to think so. Yet the funny thing was, this one resolution was never accomplished during the era of "life by checklist." I continued in the static, shallow, greeting card acquaintance with God I had begun at, "Jesus come into my heart." What is relational about that? Nothing. What is religious about that? Everything.
See, I had a crisis of faith in high school--and for good reason, because it seemed I had none. Since that crisis, I asked God to reveal Himself to me and to convince me of His reality.
Ever heard of be careful what you wish for? Or pray for? Well, He showed up--which is surprisingly a scripture based phenomenon:
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
The door was knocked aside, I have been running after Jesus ever since, and I have never looked back. Well . . . maybe a couple times.
Bu in this new year--2012, the year we thought we'd never make it to--I am feeling a bit nostalgic. I am thinking back over those New Year's lists, over the struggles that I never could overcome, my frustrations at myself, and the boulders that kept me shuffling along, too stubborn and proud to ask for help. *Sigh* I look at that beaten down little girl and smile. Those times make where I am today such a beautiful contrast.
Why must we go through those times though? In a book I read recently (1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp) a the author described times of "shadows" in her life like a cloud covering the sun. But the sun never leaves. And doesn't a cloud bring the rain, which sustains the earth below? Maybe we are looking at the trials in our lives the wrong way. Maybe a good New Year resolution to make would be:
"A New Encounter with God Every Day"
He has such heights he wants to takes us to. Such depths of His love he wants to plunge us into. He wants us to seek Him for answers to the questions that plague us at night. He has them. I know in my life, every time I have asked God to show up He does. Maybe not in the way I expect, but what kind of God do I want to worship: predictable or the Great I AM.
My New Year Resolution:
Love the Lord My God with ALL My Heart Soul and Mind
(Matt. 22:37)
. . . and see where it takes me.
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