Echos in a Hollow World

     I am walking the streets of London, soaking in the sights and sounds: the whiff of deep fryer sputtering up fish and chips floats across my nose, a gleaming antique tea kettle winks at me through the shop window. I wander through the crowds of commuters and vendors, tourists and families, searching through the sea of humanity washing up upon the sidewalks again and again. There--I spot it. A pregnant girl--alone--at the bus stop, clutching a shabby backpack to her stomach and letting her eyes roam listlessly across the urban sprawl unfolding before her. I reach her and carefully place myself next to her, unzipping my backpack and pulling out a sandwich, water bottle, and letter.
     "Here, this is for you." Her tired eyes reluctantly fall away from the numbing activity of the city streets and fall to the items I have set next to her on the bench. She grabs the food and water and stuffs them in her bag, and after a hesitating look, carefully picks up the letter as well. She clutches it in both hands and furiously reads the first couple of lines before I hear a small catch in her breath. She pulls back the letter and with tears rolling down her face stares at me.
     "Miss, I believe you mistook me for someone else. This is not a letter for me." I smile reassuringly, gently pressing the letter back into her hand.
     "You're wrong. This letter is specifically for you. It's about grace."


    So clearly I am a dreamer. I think flowery thoughts and write flowery words. I make grandiose claims and over commit myself every single day. I am a perfectionist and strive for a level of self discipline that will regulate my life. If I could--I would save myself.
    But for some reason, I have a call on my life. I heard the whisper through the uproar of this world, and I made a choice to no longer hold my life in my own hands but offer it up to the one who made it in the first place. I laid myself down on the alter so that I would no longer live, but Christ would live in me.
     Again, flowery words. In truth I am a pretty simple person, and while I describe my salvation experience let me describe where I am right now and why on earth I decided to write this blog.
      Right now I am in a Barnes and Noble racing to finish this post with the 20 min. I have left on my laptop. I am staring at my empty java chip frappachino through Jennifer Lopez glasses and alternating facebook checks with texts on my cellphone. I live in a nice house just outside of a nice town in America and worry more about staying fit and losing weight than I do about those who may not eat for days at a time. So much for laying my life down on the alter right? That is why I am writing this blog. I know I was given the opportunities I have in life for a reason. I know that God has blessed me for a purpose...and I am determined to find out what the purpose is! So I am waiting. And praying. And learning how to fight with everything I've got against the one who is dead set on keeping me from the purpose I am intended for.
     A couple months ago I heard another whisper. It said, "Why do you seek a tame version of yourself, Rachel, when I created you to be wild?"
     I want to know what it means to lived an untamed, wild life pursuing the Lord...to find the freedom in the sacrifice. So here I go, taking for first step toward wild....hood.
     I love this quote in Elizabeth Elliot's book Let Me Be A Woman:
     "My freedom will be so much greater and more meaningful the more narrowly I limit my field of action and the more I surround myself with obstacles. Whatever diminishes constraint diminishes strength. The more constraints one imposes, the more one frees one's self of the chains that shackle the spirit."