Some background info: I began, two weeks ago, my normal routine of get up, work out, go to a coffee shop, read, look up stuff on London, go home or hang out with friends. A reasonable summer, I should think. Then Wham, Bam! My grandpa has terminal cancer. Wham! I have my first freelance writing assignment. Bam! My trip for London is looming closer as is my article deadline. Slam! My grandpa dies.
Now, I am not the world's best actor when it comes to how I feel. I normally cannot hide anything or pretend to feel a way that I don't. But I have found that when it comes to high stress situations I can stuff my emotions back and muscle my way through pretty much anything.
What I forget--it doesn't go anywhere.
So here I am, dealing with two-weeks of high stress emotional blockage, which I honestly forget I stuffed back there. Also I am facing not only the loss of my papa, but a kick-off to my study abroad in London, my first article floating somewhere is cyber-space to my editors, and the feeling that I am not prepared or adequate for either.
Now what?
Enter my life verse: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
This is the race, what I train for, what I receive rest for. The reason I was home the first half of the summer. The reason I felt called not to have a job. The reason I am now going to London. The reason, the purpose, the plan, the race.
Isn't is funny that they say hindsight is 20/20. Now that I know, what can I do with this ball of emotion that is freaking my mom out and is leading me to write this post? I give it over to the Lord.
Jesus, there is no way I can do this on my own right now. I pray for your peace that transcends all understanding to guard my heart and my mind. You alone can take these burdens away. You can fill my spirit and give me the endurance to make it through this valley. Father, in you alone I put my trust, and from you alone I find hope and purpose. Your child
It's incredible what seemed to be welded to your body simply drops off in the presence of the Almighty God.
Peace. That transcends all understanding. I prayed that for my papa as he was suffering through his last battle to cancer, but my mom also prayed that God would open up heaven to him, so that this peace would manifest itself not only in his soul, but before his eyes. I believe that this prayer was answered as well.
Now, with these new-found lessons in mind I keep running. Literally too, I am training for a half-marathon, which has more spiritual parallelisms than I could ever say. I have chosen to slowly jog up this next hill, but I feel a sprint coming on as the reality of London offers a rest at the top.
My next adventure is a day away. The Lord is faithful. Pass the Kleenex.
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